Who Am I?

Dearest Friends,

I heard this song 'Who am I?' by Casting Crowns on a 'Day of Recollection in Lent', one of the sessions I attended at Catholic Spirituality Centre (CSC) last Saturday. The lyrics of the song were projected on 2 huge screens, one placed on the extreme left side of the hall and the other on the right, so that it facilitates most of us in singing along.

I digested the words as I sang along, and it was indeed a relevant question which I do often asked myself ...'Who am I?'...'Who is Adele?'...or 'Who is Josephine?'.

I recollected that I was a nobody, or perhaps 'trash' would be a better description BUT only of who I was in the past. I recalled how my secular priorities in life were heading no where, that my life was not as enriching, fulfilling and promising as how I planned or wished it to be. I was never able to differentiate the difference between pleasure and heart-felt joy, what was right and what was wrong, or truly understand what love and peace really means until God led me back to Him, to home.

Like what Father William Goh, the Spiritual Director of CSC, had shared with many of us, 'You will seek God only when you have experienced Him.' So true, for months ago I reconciled my broken-spirit with God. It takes sincere repentence, effort and willingness. It was then that I began to be hungry for Him, to wanting to know Him, to knowing the truth, and to wanting to experience Him. I began to seek Him in various ways, was adamant not to procrastinate like the way I used to, however little time I thought I have, physical weariness, distractions etc. Apart from His words from the bible and church mass (services), I began to explore ways where I can find Him. Amazingly, God didn't let me do this alone, He guided and led me to Him. I began to experience Him living in me, in my heart. I also see Him as I serve at various places, be it at church ministries, Homes or Christian Communities, and amazingly even in office and the people on the streets.

I began to experience the fruits of His Spirit i.e. joy, peace, love, compassion etc, fruits which I have never quite experienced in my life. God helped me to discern, to discover and to fulfill the Wonderful plans He had made for me. They were filled with uncertainties, and sometimes difficulties. But as I chose to believe, it uncovered itself and its reasons for it. They were all for the better. That is life, that is my life, a purposeful-driven one, one that reaches out just as how God has continuously reached out to me.

After listening to the song, we were each given a pencil and a piece of earthly yellow-coloured paper. We were then asked to write who we think we are. By the wisdom/grace of the Holy Spirit (hmm a phrase I used to hear from Christians friends but never understood), my answers were instantenous. I drew simple descriptive pictures of who I am 'before' and 'AFTER', and on the same paper, I wasn't alone. Uncontrollingly, I kept smiling as I drew and wrote adjectives against every picture.

I knew why I was smiling.... Jesus on the same paper too, side by side my name and my pictures, as I grow to be 'Who I am' today.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjhxOv9YDag

Who Am I - by Casting Crowns

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

Yrs lovingly,

Adele Josephine Tan

~ One(Jesus) for All(Us), All(Us) for One(Jesus)